Today I am up and vengeful
But I'm not looking for revenge for all the times you told me I wasn’t good enough
For when you whispered sweet lies into my ears
That if I worked hard over the years I would rise through the tiers of society
That my anxiety was baseless and my depression meaningless
And that mental health was the least of my worries as my intelligence was priceless
You said that if I persevered, I would measure up
And that if I failed you would be there to pick me up
But when I needed your hand, your response was bland
And you took the opportunity to pick me apart
Then you poked a hole through my chest claiming that I was blessed
And convinced me that I should never leave the nest
But when I finally turned away, you begged for forgiveness
70 times 7 the Bible says
But little did I know that that would be 490 times you would take advantage of me and then hold me liable
Did I really think that forgiveness was viable?
When you came through my life with intent to pillage
And raised me with a rage that seems to grow with age
Then to mask your anger behind my hunger for success and ask me to express my emotions
Emotions which battled inside of me like waves on stormy oceans
And as I went through the motions of these daily devout conversations, I couldn’t help but realize
how much you failed as a parent

But you were so hell bent on proving you were innocent
That you pushed me to therapy
And all that did was help me bury the pain
Cause after hours of counselling I was still going insane
My anger didn't leave it just learned to hide in these pages
Where I would confide in your failures as a counsellor
But then you put me in a class and claimed that if I passed the standards of your grading then I would be successful in life When in reality all your classroom bred was turmoil and strife
As you turned a blind eye to the bully with a knife
Whose blade was sharpened with insecurity after insecurity
Of children who would rather be dead than held under scrutiny
How much more of a failed teacher could you really be
See you didn’t notice when my grades started to drop
And your reasons for my failing was ’lack of practice’
The truth is I know nothing in life truly comes gratis
But education shouldn’t be paid for by blood sweat and tears induced by peers
Then you wonder what pushed me to the brink of suicide
As though the attempt didn’t coincide with your genocide of my aspirations
And the exodus of all figments of my imagination
And as I laid on that hospital bed wishing I was dead you peered into head
You led me to believe that if I was medicated, I could reconceive all those brilliant ideas that had been eviscerated
And as I fell under the hypnosis of your misdiagnosis it was clear why you had been accused of malpractice
Because you weren’t a healer you were a body destroyer
A failed doctor who misdiagnosed me with a multitude of disorders
Then reduced my abilities to the boarder of a broken recorder
And after my mind was sedated, you say nothing is wrong
But how true can that really be when you just robbed me of my mental clarity
Actually, it’s time for some accountability
See I cannot keep blaming others for my own naivety
However, it can’t be helped when those in authority take advantage of my poverty
It’s in those moments’ ignorance gets the best of me and I lose sight of who I should be
As I object to selling my sanity to people who have no sense of humanity
But unfortunately, my knowledge of the law is limited
So, I have to rely on those who have the responsibility of ensuring that society is well planted in stability
The very ones who seek to disrupt the rise in illegal activity by filling their pockets and hiding behind corrupt
identities By lining their chests with bullet proof vests and parading through the city
Showcasing for everyone the failed police force we have in this country
But worse than them are those armed with lies to suit their every disguise
Who do not see their own flaws but manipulate the laws to open doors for their friends, family and more
Then hide behind the title of lawyer and the line of failed legal practitioners
Then you climb into your wagon of unlimited legal jargon and disguise your lies in rows of innuendos
That you know I would never decipher and then prey on my confusion with no intent to help me find a solution
And as the faults in my life to bent to no form of correction, I realized that I needed divine intervention
But even when I started to tithe I felt like I was still losing my life
Closet to the edge, further from the altar, it seemed like no manner of prayer could alter my future
It was then I realized that you were just another failed minister who preyed on the needy like pastors were supposed to
You came to me with promises of help, good health, generational wealth and no intent to serve yourself.
But you had the nerve to betray me, took to the platform I elected you for, to pursue your own personal gain
While I sat at home in pain, I cried out in vain as your tainted hands stained the hearts of our nation
How can our country move forward if we are led by a crop of failed politicians?

You say that I should be thankful, you claim that there is still good in the world
But when you unfold society, you see how poorly those you taught me to trust have treated me
I hope that I have broken down its failings in entirety and you understand that this world needs a helping hand
But all I have done is issue a premortem postmortem
For when I get my revenge society will cry out for the help of a failed mortician.

Wake up and smell the bush tea
Not instant coffee or chocolate milk
Not processed juice but rather some Passion fruit
Listen to the pan playing on the radio
Ringing through the walls and into the foundation
Of the soil which once sustained our nations
Let's have a revelation
Go through the motions of bringing my Dream Caribbean Home to fruition Should it be big or small
Flat or tall I'm not sure
But it must have space for all my family
See Christmas isn't the only time for a family tree
My dream Caribbean home is not a place for just you and me but for everyone to enjoy Indulge in things that put us outside of ourselves
Taking the history books off the Dusty shelves
Teaching the youth something different from santa and his Christmas elves A place where friends from overseas can appreciate home's amenities Where our beaches and seas are free from litter
And we can all take a dip in a viable economic river
Where streams of income sustainably supply
The island chain - bringing joy to our eyes
My dream Caribbean home is one teeming with innovation
Where growth and development is fueled by education
Wisdom and experience are passed down from older generations
To inspire the youth in their unbridled creations.
As we have no time for gun violence and crime
Because unemployment is low and there is no need for police to be heroes In this place, we are all responsible for our collective future Working hand in hand building up one another
Living long fulfilling lives making memories to share
As life expectancy is high due to comprehensive healthcare Working together like bees in a honeycomb
To achieve my dream Caribbean home

Conversations in the dark
Have the tendency to spark
Relationships so deep
That we lose even our will to sleep,
Quicker than we lose our appetite
When our life is blown apart like dynamite
Even faster than we lose our creativity
When put in the face of adversity.
And as our words wander towards each other
Under the cover of the night
We succumb to this trancelike love without fright.

Tireless conversations with no end
Forsaken sleep schedules we cannot mend
Time from our lives we begin to lend
While our minds and hearts continue to blend.
As infatuation becomes stronger than reality
And together we seem to defy gravity
Our passion for each other grows
Even stronger than a tempest blows.

But good things never seem to last,
Like a child with melting ice-cream we fall, downcast;
As the demons in our lives conjure up the past
Opening up wounds soooo vast
Then into a grand canyon of tribulations we are cast
And what we built breaks apart so fast.
Is perseverance in love too much to ask?

But it isn't just the darkness
It's the person you share it with that will reset
All your feelings and inhibitions
Driving you crazy with new found ambition
However, be weary of that weapon
That holds within it all your secrets
It will lash out with no remorse, that hellhound
Your tongue will leave you heading southbound
Catching you when you least expect

And With old troubles come the reoccurring habit
As oftentimes our pride fails to admit
And our brain takes to long to transmit
Like a champion in a fight
Unwilling to submit
That those we love can cause so much pain
When in our lives we force them to remain
Because like a house on sinking sand
It's a weight it cannot sustain.

But as the light begins to fade
And we reflect on the strides we had made
We look out for a flicker of hope
That affection will provide the spark
To rekindle the lost flame
Started by conversations in the dark