As they mourned for her, and he wept silently
I kept my mouth shut and kept my bitter feelings to myself
Her life causing nothing but trouble to my already half tarnished heart
and her death seemed to follow
He knew what I felt and so to not alarm me he said not a word
He visited her grave once he knew I was asleep
and I would awake into the chill of the night without my partner by my side
Cold sheets and moist eyes threatening to spill over
drowning me in my own despair,
heart pumping just a little harder in horror,
beating faster and faster attempting to keep up with my racing mind
A hollow feeling and an unfilled void will always remain
Because even in death she still haunts me...
More now than ever... but she no longer exists
She once was...
but now she isn’t,
Something of her still lingers...
But all that was her is now reduced to tears and memories
and for some reason it aches my heart even more now
because it’s like she taunts me every. time. a tear drop falls
Mockingly saying that my lover is crying for another woman
He loves me but he once loved her and that is enough knowledge to make a woman go mad
It leaves me utterly devastated but alas there is nothing that can be done
Because she lives no more
But I wonder if he still loves her even in death
Or if he loves her even more now that he no longer can grasp at her body and hold her close

I wonder if when he visits her concrete if their souls meet and have five minutes to kiss
and caress each other
I wonder if he misses her
Even in death the thought of her still haunts me
His tears feeling like a betrayal, an affair.

But then he comes home, and I wipe my tears.
Welcome back my love I say lovingly although what I wanted to say was get OUT!
You don’t belong here anymore, you don’t belong HERE ANYMORE!,
Instead, I say are you okay? I love you, ~ almost- almost like a plea like a prayer like a promise;
Almost wanting to say,
is it enough? Is my love enough? Please let it be enough it’s all I have you’re all I have
But I don’t say it, and he doesn’t say it back
Solemnly smiling at me with no regret no remorse and no... love

Pity pity, I pity myself
But don’t pity me
Because I don’t deserve it
I know I know, and I know what he feels for her
And I know and will always know what he doesn’t feel for me
I know (oh Lord) I knew what this would come to
And I stayed
Night after night
And morning to morning I crave a love that doesn’t belong to me
From dusk till dawn, I ached for his temporary heart
While he had tattooed my tears, a permanent reminder of his hatred
A permanent reminder of his affair.