And I wondered what it was like to be chosen

To be a first love

The one you'd Know from the moment that she'd spoken
I wondered what it was like to be chosen

Not by parents who didn't hear me or smell his citrus like cologne suffocating, choking me

Night after night in the tiny bedroom at our Granny's
And I wondered what it was like to be chosen
Like a black rose amongst the rarest reddest beauties
I wondered what it was like to be chosen

Not in the way that he chose or stole and ripped off my dignity
And I wondered what it was like to be chosen

As a friend you'd want to keep until we both walked the streets that are golden

I wondered what it was like to be chosen
Not by anxiety who's nearly cost me

My life not once or twice but multiple times from Since the ripe old age of five

And I wondered what it was like to be chosen
Like A S.A. L. C. C Acceptance letter into Nursing
I wondered if wondering made you wander off with all my opportunities

Because being chosen by anything good
Anything that made me, me

Made you so angry that you felt the need to control and ruin me

And I wondered what it was like to be

Free
Free of his sweaty hands which defiled me
Eager to erase those terrible memories or ease the pain he left buried deep within me

I lost sight of who I was
Listening to the dictation of others
Telling me I needed to be more like
He, she or she
I got Caught
Caught up following the trends
Getting high off the Meds
With my so called friends
Until one day they all left me
When...
That life cost me my sanity

Maybe if I'd paid more attention in Bible school I'd see the signs

Cause

Like Judas they betrayed me
Like Peter they
Denied having ever known me
Like David they doubted me
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But your words are what finished me...

And now

I'm trying desperately to hide my tears

As the nurse showed me to my bed

While I think of how much better all you guys' life would be if I was dead

Dread
Red
I bled

Nothing I said got through to your head

I don't know why I thought you cared
I was scared, losing touch with reality
But in the midst of my insanity
I remembered God the almighty
He said "cast your cares upon me"
That line turned my life around

A full 360
Because I no longer
Wonder
What it's like to be chosen
Because when I got that WORRRD Up
My Jesus SHOWED Up
And flipped the script
But with actions worth more than words
He showed me that
**Even though you're going through it
And it makes you feel alone
Just know that I would die for you
My child I would die for you ** (Sang)

Ou I no longer

Wonder
What it's like to be Free
Because in Him I found my dignity
That my cousin stole from me

And now at the ripe old age of 4 times 5 that's twenty

Being forced into maturity
I realized that I was the one holding the key
Which invited depression and anxiety
To enter my body
A temple,
Heavenly

[Enter me] He said in parentheses
And with this new fire that He ignited within me
We burned down the weapons and thresholds of my enemies

I can see the confusion on your faces
Like damn bro she's preaching to me
This crap ain't poetry
And you're right

I could have been one more untold story
In a boring documentary
But I'm here
A survivor
Telling you my story.