Thoughts Of The Dead
Today is the day I end it all, but how?
Maybe I should jump out my bedroom window
Or slit my wrist, or maybe the traditional way, hanging myself.
Imagine me choking on my own blood after cutting up my throat,
or even better hanging by my neck under the breadfruit tree,
grasping for the air I never wanted.
Maybe lay in the middle of a busy highway
and let the weight of these heavy vehicles crush me to death.
Oh wow, minced meat they will call me.
I think I want to know how frogs feel when they are being passed on by these vehicles.
I can’t be happy on earth, so I will try to be happy in hell,
even though living on earth is already like living in hell.
But the torture of my now lost soul will be unbearable but who cares.
Demons would be laughing at my weakness,
whereas humans are already laughing at my stupidity.
I may never see the light of God, but I am okay with that,
since I think that he is selfish for always waking me up, knowing that I want to be dead.
So many fears death, but it will be my privilege if he snatched my life away from me.
I don’t care what people think
caring is what have me in this situation anyways.
I don’t care if they say that I am weak,
I know that I am strong for always trying to look okay,
but deep down I am actually screaming like right now.
Goodbye cruel world,
tell my mom to find a place in her heart to forgive me,
I never wanted to hurt her in this way,
but these demons,
these humans are making it harder for me to stay and be her happy little girl.
World, you won, and I lost, but actually I won and you loss.
I will be living an extremely painful life in hell,
but at least I will be happy that I no longer have to see these monsters,
who hurt me so bad,
these monsters mommy, blame them, not me.
They caused me to do it, I did not want to,
but they kept on making it so difficult,
I felt like it was the only way out.
Mommy I am sorry, I know mommy do not cry,
your little girl will always be in your heart I promise.
Why does a seventeen-year-old who is bold,
happy loves socializing and bring joy to her family and friends be in so much pain
These monsters took a mother’s joy from her.
I hope that they are punished, like I would be.
My world seems so grey
Even blue skies looks dark
My eyes are always puffy and red
Why must I cry every time I get a chance
Why can’t they let me be happy
Why am I being bullied?
I’m so depressed, but no one cares
Writing out my thoughts make me some how feel better.
I wish to talk to someone, but I’m scared that they'll laugh at me
just like everyone else.
This poem may never see light
Neither me, but oh well life.
I need a break.
Shyante is gone, her body still lives.
If I let these thoughts consume me
I'd be hanging instead of writing
God knows, I'm really fighting,
The truth is I don’t really want to become minced meat
But that’s what it wants
I’m constantly in another world, a dark world In fact
Where I'm surrounded by dark shadows
I can name them one by one
I’m being tortured in my own body sigh
All these negative thoughts?
Hanging by a breadfruit tree
Goshhhh, I really need help and I'm running out of time.
All my poems and narrative essays are dark and negative
I really rope for the day
when I pull out my tablet and start writing
It will be all smiles and positive
But God knows best
Until Then, I'll be silently fighting